The window

Sometimes, there will be thousands of things on mind which you just want to pour down on the white pages (oh sorry ! read it “on white blank Microsoft word document”) .Then there will be no time on your hand to write it down, because you have no time for blogging. But sometimes u have nothing in mind ,but u have a strong desire to write something. Today same thing happened to me. Fortunately both father and son slept quite fast and I got some free time for blogging.
You know what I feel each one of us should have a window in our life. That window should be our own window. U can also call it as perspective but I want to say as window. I feel perspective gives a lot of intellect or seriousness but window makes me feel a little bit weightless. Sometimes for us a window is a kind of ventilation for mind. U can carry your window all the time. For instant today I was standing on the busy Harvard Square, I carried my window along with me. The slow chilly windy evening air gave me a fresh feeling and walking through Harvard yard made me missing IISc a lot. I never miss IISc when I go to Northeastern University. That place is like a bubbling college campus and a serious work place for me. I really shut my window in Lab. I just open it there a little when I come out of lab, go for a coffee. The youth, the undergrads make me feel fresh, but I cannot reconnect with them.
to be continued.......

My Mother

The last few months were very busy months for me. I lost someone who was like a part of my soul. Why should I say only soul? It was the body also who took me this world. It was the mind also that made me think. She was my mother. Whenever I write, “She was”, the past tense linked with her hits me all the time. I love to think that she is still with me and I do believe that she is with me. So much love, caresses, sacrifice and devotion just cannot get burnt up along with her mortal existence. She believes very much Hindu Shastra. So I believe her existence beyond her mortal death.
Slowly I am coming back to life. I joined lab again. Again the tussle of daily life resumed. May be everything will be alright after sometime.

First day

Today was Adi’s first day at day care centre. Well,I should not say it went very good. It was ok,……..not good, not bad either. I thought of not going to lab today as the day care center is quite a far from my lab. But somehow I thought staying at home would make me more crying and lazy. I left home after getting a call from the baby sitter that he was happily playing there.
Somehow not feeling good ,when I left him in school. He was happy and playing with the toys and piano. But when we said “bye bye” ,he came to us and told “ out and out”. I told him “baby will play inside”. He replied back,’’ Oh,raining”. poor adi!!!! he thought “maa appa want baby to play inside as its raining outside”. Little did he know that they were leaving him for a quite long time . I felt little crying but I stopped myself. my baby came to this professional world quite fast. I went to school at the age of 3 years and 9 months, but my small 19 months is going to school at this small age.wht can I do? My thirty year of education stopping me to leave this career and my motherhood doubting my love. Do not know. actually I feel women’s life is very much disturbing and an working mother’s life is full of guilt and self-arguing thoughts.

Life in Boston(II)

I am not feeling good. Somehow I hate cloudy weather and I like sunshine a lot. The bright sunrays falling on us, the beautiful air surrounding… has become a kind of joke for me. Here, one day is of bright sunlight and the very next day is rainy. I should sing like Adi “rain rain go away,come here another day”.
The Bostonians are really crazy, little winter went away, they were shouting,”summer,summer”.
hellooooooooooooooooooooooooo…where is the summer?
Come to india,I will show you what is called a SUMMER.
Sometime I do miss india a lot. In those summer evening, roaming around in Gariahut was so good. The footpaths would be full of so many colored dresses and terakota costumes,the phuckas ,the egg rolls. I MISS U A LOT KOLKATA.
Pune evening/afternoons were also crazy. In front of University main buiding , so many trees would be bloomed like hell now. We would have chatted abit now and then , all of us would have gone to the university canteen or Aniket restaurant to drink lassi. I miss a lot pune.
But Bangalore summer is difficult to catch. It just zooms away through the fingers. you cannot hold it .i cannot remember my summer days in Bangalore, mostly because my summer days all had been spent in lab or Tea-board. So IISc was the place where I met my dear,still its the place where I did not enjoy the beauty of nature or the life. The work pressure, the overcrowded trees did not allow me to distinguish the summer from the winter or rain.
Boston showed me a glimpse of its beautiful summer,then again its getting washed away by daily rain. In still last week’s walking trip to Harvard I could capture a bit summer of BOSTON. In usa summer comes with the nature and people’s clothes. But in india summer comes through color,people and food and ofcourse through nature.
I miss you ,india.

Life in Boston

When I moved to Boston on December with Adi and decided to stay with viswa for a year or two here, I was very much upset, because after 7 ½ years hostel-campus and full working life, suddenly I stopped. I left the post doc of IISc also. I had a fear and confusion about my decision whether staying here was a correct decision for me or not. December was not very bad because after long time seeing Viswanath again I was quite happy. Mean while Karthick used to come from RPI. Manju came from Berkely and Vasanth from florida on Christmas vacation. So just like that time flew.
Real trouble came on January. Everybody left and viswa had to go lab even on weekends. I was not able to cope up with my new life. In India I had so many people to help me out. I never took care of Adi alone. Here everything u have to do alone. I was feeling miserable, could not figure out what to do. Other problem was loneliness. I could not find any body outside the apartment. Only cars were going on roads. In India whenever u come out of Kaveri apartment u will see students, people; here only buildings and river and wide roads.
Then I started googling.U know I started to find out how the other stay-home-moms manage their lives. One fine day I gave search “ a mom’s day”.I found so many people, so many blogs and of course so many groups. I felt great. Always I used to think “My God, how will I stay with Adi alone whole day? “ Now I calculate I will get some more time in the day. I suddenly found so many things to do in life other than making nanoparticles. I do love doing science but this world I completely neglected.
I saw some of Mom’s blog. They are simply great. Some have such great imagination that with simply things they make their life so good. First time I think I am enjoying motherhood beyond my so-called fear and worry. I know research …labs are great places. But I feel enjoying life is also a great thing in life. Whoever women all over the world work from morning till night for their loved one they are simply deserved to call best. Their awesome labor and maintenance make the outside working world running. Do they get their due respects? I doubt.
Anyway after along time I came to blogging again. Cheers to Adi….